Before my thoughts steal the show, I just wanted to scream a huge THANK YOU to all you kind hearted beautiful women (you know who you are) who have over the past few weeks sent love soaked emails my way, asking me to keep on blogging. Trust you to perk up my deflated wings.
To be clear, I'm still in no way certain of my direction. I'm just moving with the flow. Flow is my utmost favourite word in the English language right now, resonating so deeply within me, it's barely fathomable. Saying the word "flow" out loud slows down my breathing, calms my erratic heart. It's my go to word when a description of how I perceive my life to unfold is necessary. Flow, flow, flow. Are you getting my flow? Ha!
As I touched on in my post about our on and off relationship. I've been bored out of my eyeballs with the online world, inclusive of the content I've been dishing up here on Tink Simplicity. Whist helpful, possibly even insightful to some, to me all I see are words rolling into each other, performing one overly structured, routinely boring dance. Stripped of raw emotion, lacking a thudding heartbeat. Where has the love gone?
I'm not, I repeat not draconian about my lifestyle choices, regimentation rattles my nervous system, it's flow that soothes me. Life needs to feel serendipitous to an extent, as if it's panning out just as it was always meant to. It's not up for negotiation, life MUST fill me with feel good feelings, for without, it's just not worth it.
Going against the flow...
~Beating myself up over not eating an organic meal at my local cafe, that's not flow.~Forcing myself to love myself stupid when I already do so intrinsically, that's not natural, not flow.~Sitting through 25 minutes of anxiety building,time stealing meditation when reading a good book or meditating for five minutes provides instant relaxation, that's not flow.~Blogging just for the sake of blogging, that's not flow.
~Running to keep up when strolling takes my preference.. It ain't flow!
And so...
This year I made a conscious decision to loosen the noose that I had tied around the neck of my life. In doing this, flow has softly, gently began trickling back into my life. Sometimes in sequences I never would have expected.
Finally, I say finally because I have no days stored in my bank of recent memories, I feel upbeat when I wake in the mornings. The sound of my morning alarm pleases me because I'm actually excited to start my day. I didn't even know how sad I actually was and what I was truly missing out on until I moved down the coast and felt each joyful pang of my heart relocating its missing pieces.
After years of chaotic rat racing, decision hopping and escaping having a place to call home that actually feels like home is the simplest pleasure. Home really is where my heart feels most content.
What is flow for me right now?
~Waking up with the smallest slither of bendable structure. Possessing a knowing of the days events that are likely to occur or I want to occur.
~Working casually in a wonderful bookstore for somebody else. Stress free, push and shove free, anxiety free.
~Scheduled fertility appointments. Crystal clear vision, written, digestible information that I can implement.
~The reintroduction of coffee back into my life. Piccolo lattes are petite cups of aromatic, soul soothing. It's never been about the caffeine hit for me, it's the taste, the experience in entirety. Coffee warms me, makes me feel good.
~Morning rituals, rituals being the operative word. I take preference to ritual over routine. Rituals are beautifully sequenced events that I choose to partake in because I love doing them. Not because, I should do them. With a ritual you don't need to force yourself out of bed and muster the motivation to act. Rituals are fun, they stick with you.
~Going to the gym. Having a timetable priding itself on it's varied selection of loud, energetic, enjoyable classes. Working at my own pace, for the right reasons: A healthy body and a happy mind.
Do you roll with the flow?
Sunshine & Sweetness
Tinkxxx
