Are your balls big enough?

There's this thing  I've really tuned into of late, focusing my attention on thought patterns, more specifically how they can consume you, if you're  not conscious of them. Needless to say, I believe it's imperative that we consistently check in with ourselves, ensuring that current thoughts are serving you, as opposed to holding you ransom.

It's easy to tangle yourself in the viscious web of flawed self belief, casting exaggerated expectations over what your future holds, affirming with highest of intentions when and if your predicted future comes into fruition, all things will change. Life as you've grown accustomed to will shift into a deeper, happier, contented space. Perhaps, but let's not get carried away by overusing this precious adverb.

What if, perchance, life doesn't roll that way? What if life chooses not to be definitive? And, possibly, just maybe, sitting with your shitfight is one of the best places to sit? Is it not the tough times after all in which add depth and spice to the carefree times? Stepping in shit, urges you to appreciate clean shoes.

Perhaps, entertaining the ideology that things can only get better is detrimental to your growth right now, working against you, not with you. We're never ever going to be 100% certain of our next steps to take, of what the future has in stall for us. In writing the above sentence, 100% certainty even sounds evasive, unattainable. Not knowing used to (and if I'm honest, still does from time to time) scare the absolute shit out of me. Now I've learnt to view the circumstance from an entirely different stand point. 

The key to my becoming comfortable with uncertainty, was accepting that there is no pre-existing heightened sense of elation buried inside of you, waiting to be discovered, sometime down the track. A good life and the consequential satisfied with life feeling MUST be cultivated over time, through dedication and effort. Yes, hard bloody work.

Like all creative projects, a fulfilling purpose driven life requires a heady dose of passion, guts and patience. It's not always going to come easy, but easy can and often is too easy, dull and unrewarding. 

So this life thing, it takes balls, are you brave enough to use them?  

"It’s OK to change; change is growth.  We all want a different outcome, and yet most of us don’t want any change in our lives. Change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort, and discomfort isn’t much fun. But when we learn to enjoy the process of change—when we chose to look at the uncertain as variety instead of uncertainty—then we get to reap all the rewards of change. And that’s how we grow as people." - Joshua Fields Milburn author over at The Minimalists blog, on what he's come to know after thirty years in this world.


Ps. Head over to my about page for a deeper insight into my world and this blogs perspective.

On brutality, travel and self acceptance.

Oh Hey kids!

I'm back, at least for now and that's enough. Now is pleasant, now serves me strong, hot piccolos each morning, now serves me well. Is it just me or did time strap a jet pack to it's backside, zooming past at record speed? One day I was soaking up every smidgen of frenchy in Paris I could swallow, roll over an entire month and I'm comfortably shacking up in Surry Hills. 

I had every intention of posting whilst in Paris, until I arrived that is. I guess my intentions were flimsy. Perhaps fabricated to please the masses, to fulfil my own sense of duty? I know myself better than that, I've never been one to dedicate large quantities of time to the online world when the real world is dangling shiny experience in front of me. My heart sent messages of curiosity running through my veins.  Explore sweetheart,  there's so much you need to learn, reach out your hands and grasp it, it's waiting for you. 

Like a nutcracker dominates the self assured walnut, my sturdy, cleverly constructed, protective shell cracked under the brutal force of travel. Fragmenting my guard, my wall, into minuscule, irrelevant shards. Baring my skin, flesh and bones, broadcasting my insignificance to our understated, daunting world.

In desperation, it's tempting to send out a search party, bespectacled I seek familiarity in the places I frequent. The cafes, the streets, the grocer, looking for familiar facial traits on the other customers or the deep belly laugh of my sister, best efforts never availed.

And it's this no bullshit, brutality that evokes my passion, my love of travel. Letting go, being loose. Leaving self obsession, selfishness and the rulebook at the airport. Uncovering layer, by layer who you are at your inner most core, what you genuinely want to do with your life, the person you, not your neighbour, actually want to be. 


I'm 24 and dreaming.

Over the weekend I celebrated my 24th birthday. 2013 has been an awakening experience for me. After three years of tiresome meandering, I have found my way back to me. The simple act of calling off the search party, tossing the maps in the bin and trusting in myself was that of a poignant revolution. 

In a  truly inexplicable fashion my insides died a slow and painful death in order to rebirth healthier, stronger, unrelenting. So now at 24 I paid an overdue visit to my soul in order to decipher, dissect and contemplate my dreams. At 24 I fight, I act, I give, with passion consistently at the forefront of my mind. 

In my wildest dreams

Live in Paris for a minimum of one month.
Write a story or a collection of stories, articles and heartfelt books.
Write beautiful poetry.
Dig deep to locate my burning source of creativity.
Learn how to speak fluent french, confidently.
Go back to school and get that degree.
Hold down a lease for 12 months.
Open up a cafe/ book space or start an enterprise.
Travel annually to wherever my heart desires, at free will, comfortably.Visiting the most beautifully powerful sights, garnering an education and meeting inspiring creative people.
Buy a house/apartment or studio one day.
Make the world of difference to people in need.
Give a child a new lease on life through adoption or foster care.
To be a happy blogger airing my true, authentic thoughts. Putting forward rawness with very little inhibition.
Eat fabulous healthy, best quality real food everyday. 
To give, contribute, empower...Be the change.
Nourish my relationships, tending to them with delicate care.
To live everyday doused in immense passion.



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